I know it's already late to post my thoughts about the last day of my Sophomore year or Grade 8 life which is it already happened a couple of weeks ago. But anyway I still like to post it and like what I've just said on my first post, I'm really looking forward to post it here even it's late and it's not even a big deal if I post late stuff here so...
March 19, 2015
I can’t believe how this year ended so quickly! While first day of this is class is still fresh on my memory. My thoughts and doubts is still fresh in my mind. Because honestly, on the first day of grade 8. I DIDN'T LIKE ANYTHING. Seriously none, maybe my thoughts brain washed me that this year will going to be worst. Maybe because of the fact that many of my friends and barkada we're at the separate sections and the only friends that left on my same section is two (but i'm still glad about it). But the what most sucks at all? My number one best friend buddy on my 7th grade just left me and it sucks a lot.
Furthermore, because of the separate sections, the barkada that we build when I was in 7th grade slowly broke down (because we have like 13 members) That fact hurts me a lot. because that barkada that we build is so special to me and always making me laugh even trough we often have fight because I'm a bit immature way back then and suddenly only four of us left and I think they are the real friends for me. Louice and Rachel from the other section and Me and Essy from my section and somehow I can still feel that I'm lucky to have four friends.
But I can't still stop thinking the thought that, what happened lately already proves me that this year will be worst and it became more worsted when I just found out my section is a total fuck! I didn't like my section is full of bastard girls and boys that has nothing to do but judge us. Because my section has this girl leader brainy group (most of them are top student and officers) and while the boys has this group of boastful boy group (basketball plays/gamers) and who will even though that my long time crush belongs to that group and I'm here at the middle of nobody.
That time... I learned so many things, I've been into bad experience. I've done so much mistakes, I met new people, I observed more, and well, I changed. I changed a lot and well, I'm still thirteen years old and I still gonna experience so many things in life. Well, because of that bad experiences and thoughts I suddenly became a better person and develop into new one.
Then the school year suddenly became so fast and further in just a blink of an eye, the whole class know who my crush is. It sucks a lot that even proves me how worst my section is into chismis. Then suddenly that guy and I became so awkward at each other and he didn't even talk to me. I makes me so bad thinking about the thought that he hates me so much for being a long time stalker, I can feel his anger toward me and it makes me feel depressed.
Not just that, the friendship of us four suddenly broke into pieces. It was the first month of the new year 2015 when Essy and I met this certain obsessed girl named Mira. She is obsessed over this guy who is older that her level, she started sharing about her sweet memories with him and ever since that day, The three of us became so much friends specially in our classroom because of course we should include Louice and Rachel. But that what I only thought,
I thought that the five of us will going to have a strong friendship but that was only a thought, because suddenly the five of us got into a very misunderstanding friendship situation that Rachel and Louice confessed us that they had a really hard time coping us because the three of because really close and sometimes we forgot about the two of them and I really sorry about them. Then suddenly I feel that Rachel decided to leave us because she found better friends than us. Then on the other hand Louice stayed on our side even through it's hard and that's why I admire her even through we done so many wrong things to her she is still by our side ever.
Not just my friendship also my thought toward the new class I'm in or the section I had. It sucks every time I feel every teacher that enters our class have this certain favoritism toward us the girl brain group always became 'feeling close' to our teachers and the teachers suddenly forgot us and for just a blink of an eye my grades got lower and I have nothing to do about it then suddenly when I got home my parents also play favoritism to my elder sister and my youngest sister they always say that I'm a bad ass child even my father, the person that I love the most confessed me that I'm the child that he hates the most and as a child I found out that I inherit my pride and words like knife to my father and It really sucks thinking that all person that you love just hates you. He just said that I'm that not that kind of child that a parent will love because I'm not a responsible child rather than my sister and I'm like what the fuck, my sister is so fuckin plastic she is only responsible when my dad is around and became a lazy bitch that doesn't do anything aside from commanding us to do this or that and I sucks a lot. But I have no choice just to thinking about my problems and It's like nobody is supporting me though.
I feel that nobody is in my side, I feel alone. Everybody is less than me and suddenly I don't know what should I feel so that time I often write stories and play my guitar to hide my emotional thoughts and try to look at the bright side of life. I really feel so much comfortable every time I write my feelings and It lessen the pain I felt and making some music because I felt that music will be just the only one beside me humming me the tunes that I can't explain.
That time... I learned so many thing, I've been into bad experience. I became a rebel student, a crazy friend and a stupid admirer. I've done so much mistakes, I met new people, I observed more, and well, I changed. I changed a lot and well, I'm still thirteen years old and because of that bad experiences and thoughts I suddenly became a better person and develop into new one.
That is how'd I realize that even through you have experienced so many bad things in life you don't have to feel sorry to yourself that you have such a bad life and thinking about the thought that 'I'm a total failure.' NEVER think that because experiencing bad things and making mistakes is a part of life, Remember nothing is perfect and taking bad things and doing wrong decision leads you in a lesson of a life time that will change you in becoming a better person, further.
I've never regret anything about my bad experiences, actually I became thankful because It just help me for being a better me.
That's it for my sophomore year life experience and I felt so great having this experience even thought its bad, So far this is such a memorable year and I'm so thank full to God about it.
Next year, 9th grade, I'm looking forward for more great experience but not like this (haha) Next school year, I wan't something nice naman because I got tired in being a reckless student, heartbroken teen, friendship problematic, low grade student at specially a not that good child.
I'll promise to myself that I will going to CHANGE for the better next school year, I will leave all my doubts in this blog page and start over. I will promise to take care my friendship, be a good daughter, enough in my love experiences and stay away from my long time crush, more beauty and confidence (lol but srsly we need that) and specially I'm looking forward to be more smart this coming year and I need God for a help.
And again....
I've never regret anything about my bad experiences, actually I became thankful because It just help me for being a better me.
Thank you so much lord for this wonderful experience and I'm going to leave all my doubts here.
changing for the better,
Nicole
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